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I’m beginning to feel like a teenage girl with the amount of “can’t even” I’m feeling as we head into the heart of the holiday season.
It seems like EVERYONE has tips for surviving the holiday eating, because, for some reason…we can’t figure it out on our own.
Over 18 MILLION results. Wrap your mind around that!!!
Here are some of the headlines that popped up on Twitter just this past week:
And these are actual tips from a reputable website on how to “survive holiday eating.”
• “Keep up your regular physical activity and make sure to get in a good workout on the day of the party or event. NO excuses!
• Be super-diligent on non-party days by sticking closely to your eating plan.
• Eat a small, nutritious snack before leaving for the party. This helps to take the edge off of your appetite and gives you willpower to resist hors d’oeuvres, saving your calories for the meal.
• Ladies, carry a clutch handbag that will keep one hand occupied, reducing the urge to nibble.
• Ladies and gents, wear a comfortable yet tight outfit that will not allow you to overindulge.”
I’m sorry. I have to repeat this one:
- “Ladies, carry a clutch handbag that will keep one hand occupied, reducing the urge to nibble.”
…Really?
No wonder I’ve been getting emails all week from women who just want advice about how to “survive” the holidays.
And—just to clarify—the holidays should not be something you have to “survive.” Isn’t the point of this season to celebrate with friends and family? If I’m not mistaken, the definition of “survive” is to “continue to live or exist in spite of a danger, hardship, accident, or ordeal.”
…Please don’t tell me that turkey is a danger and pumpkin pie is a hardship. The fact that you and I consider our Thanksgiving meals and your holiday Christmas (I’m sorry—non-denominational holiday) party an ordeal is distressing.
Look: I get it. I have been in trigger-land for the past month, on high-anxiety alert with the prospect of being seen by my family while at my current body shape and size. It is 1000% irrational, but I’m acknowledging it. (Postscript: I made it to Florida, my family saw me…and I survived.)
It’s going to take a lot more than a list post to help break free from the click bait hysteria created by the media in order to get you to buy diet plans and gym memberships come January, but…in case you need them, here are MY “Top 5 Ways to ‘Survive’ Holiday Eating.”
1. Stop Buying the Lie That There’s Something Different about Eating This Season Versus Others
On Passover, my people ask the question, “What makes this night different from any other night?” And while, on that night the answer is something along the lines of “unleavened bread” and “end of our suffering,” when it comes to the entire month from Thanksgiving to Christmas, I fail to see why we even bother to make a distinction.
It’s not as if suddenly, cookies become a lethal, targeted weapon sent to kill you by making your abs less defined. Cookies exist all year, and don’t tell me this is the only time of year that they get pushed on you because GIRL SCOUTS. There’s a whole season dedicated to Thin Mints, so it’s not like this is uncharted territory.
My point is: human beings like to look for significance in things, and sometimes, we’re right to find it. On Passover, it’s about not suffering; from Thanksgiving to Christmas it’s about forcing ourselves to suffer as much as we can.
I blame advertising and marketing for this, because we live in a ridiculously over-marketed culture. We can’t do anything without creating a hashtag or a clever ad campaign. And, as a marketer, I can say that there are people out there creating content calendars and jotting down every single holiday 12 months in advance, wondering how they can “leverage” that day to sell you something.
Yes, there are parties this season. There are also birthdays and engagements and wedding showers and St. Patricks Day and the Fourth of July and Valentine’s Day and Groundhog Day and…you get the point. We celebrate things all year long. There’s nothing different about this time of year, except that we’ve added a layer of significance to it. Don’t buy the hype. There will always be food and drink and things that get in the way of regular exercise. If you made it through the Secretary’s Day doughnuts in the break room, you can make it through your company holiday party.
2. Don’t Eat Before You Go to the Holiday Party
I used to be a big fan of this advice: make sure you eat a healthy snack before you go to the party so you won’t be tempted to eat any of the junk your gracious hosts are trying to poison you with.
And on one level, I get it: if you have a lactose intolerance or gluten makes your IBS flare, then, yeah, don’t count on your hosts to accommodate you unless they’ve made an offer in advance. If you’re diabetic and don’t want to go into a sugar coma (literally) because you’re trying to be polite by eating the stale sugar cookies on the dessert table, that’s fine.
But the reason I hate this advice for the general populace is that it continues to feed (pun unintended) the anxiety we have about overeating—and it creates a sense of restriction that ultimately leads to the desire to binge.
If you know in advance that you’re going to spend the entire time staring longingly at the chocolate covered strawberries but “can’t” eat them because you’ve already “spent” your allotted calories for the day on a protein powder mug cake (yes, I’ve done that, and yes, it’s awful—both the protein powder and the longing), then you might as well just go to the damn party and eat the chocolate. Maybe it won’t be worth it in the end, but if you’re constantly reinforcing the idea in your mind that you are out of control and therefore have to control yourself through restriction, then you’re going to end up being out of control. The binge will happen, you’ll punish yourself for it, and then you’ll reinforce the fact that you have to be controlled, and…it’s a vicious cycle.
Don’t eat before the party if you don’t want to, and please don’t carry a clutch bag to reduce your urge to nibble. Carry a clutch bag because it matches your outfit.
Oh—and bonus tip:
Can we talk about how you’re using the word “binge?” So many of the women who reach out to me talk about “bingeing,” but upon further examination, the “binge” was eating their snack at home and then eating a cookie or two at the party. Or a piece of chocolate or three. That’s not a binge. That is eating a little more or differently than you’re used to. Stop using words that describe being out of control, and maybe you will feel less out of control. Reclaim your power and your story by using the right words!
3. Don’t Make a Big Deal about the Big Meal
Hopefully you guys know by now that I don’t believe in the concept of “cheat meals” (because cheating implies that you’re otherwise committed to a way of eating and that you’re actually being bad by deviating from that commitment), but in the world of bodybuilding and figure competition, there are people who swear by weekly binges on stuff that would make an orthorexic melt. We’re talking men and women with six packs eating Thanksgiving-level meals on a weekly basis. My point: one meal is not going to make you fat. Not that it actually matters, but I know that’s what you’re worried about, and it’s just not a thing.
If you are sitting down to eat a Thanksgiving feast with all of the trappings for every single meal for the next month, and you’re not Michael Phelps, then maybe it’s time to reassess your food strategy. But…one meal? You’re going to be fine.
Now, of course, I understand that, as a former anorexic/EDNOS, it is fully possible to grasp this concept intellectually and not be able to face the truth in practice. And with the media scaremongering so they can get you to keep clicking and watching and satisfying their advertisers (“Don’t let one meal derail your fitness progress!” “How to eat like a [insert barnyard epithet here] and still be as skinny as we think you should be!” “Buy this diet detox plan to help you get back to your pre-holiday weight come January!”) it’s really hard not to believe that a little extra turkey with some gravy is going to cause you to gain weight/die.
(Also, side note: gaining weight is not the worst thing in the world anyway, believe it or not.)
This is one of the reasons I hate hate hate calorie counting and IIFYM and even points systems like weight watchers: you impose this arbitrary limit on the amount of energy you are ever allowed to intake on a given day, and any time your calorie account is “overdrawn,” you immediately feel the need to pay—with interest—by restricting and overexercising.
I’ve been there. I have felt the overwhelming, almost oppressive fear of not having limitations—the fear that I would just be completely out of control without constraints imposed upon me…and it takes some easing into. Maybe Thanksgiving is an overwhelming time to start staring into the abyss of your own ability to self-regulate, but we’re here now, so you might as well try jumping in with both feet. If you eat “too much” on any given day from now to the New Year…don’t worry. You don’t have a limited number of calories you’re “allowed” to eat every day. That’s a number you made up. Remind yourself of this until it starts to feel like truth.
Side note: I encourage you to try eating a real meal and not exercising or restricting the following day just so you can see for yourself that you won’t immediately change your body shape, derail your fitness, lose your value as a human being, or any of the false truths that create food anxiety this time of year.
4. Stop Glorifying Self-Flagellation
Your workouts are important to you. I get that. I do. But if you’re only working out to “earn” or “make up for” whatever you’re eating, then we need to talk.
I can’t tell you how upset I get every time I hear someone in the office break room or on line at Starbucks say that they exercise so they can eat. And this happens…basically every day.
You do not exercise so you can eat. That is silly. Exercise—movement, really—is about preparing your body to excel at the tasks you put it through in life. If that’s increased cardiovascular function or the ability to lift either your grocery bags or your child or whatever, that’s what you exercise for.
Exercise is preparation, not penance. It helps you do the things you need or like to do, and it shouldn’t be directly correlated with your ability to have a second helping of mashed potatoes (because those are Paleo-approved now, right? #sigh). I know there are a million articles being published as I write this about how you can “burn off” your meal and make up for “indulging,” but, seriously…the more you use this as a method to cope with your unnecessary guilt over eating, the easier it is to get addicted to it. Because you have to eat every day. So if you believe that there is a direct connection between you ingesting food and needing to triathlon it off, then you’re going to get to a point where you’ll feel out of control and “fat” (which, mind you, is NOT A FEELING) when you don’t WOD yourself into the ground to earn your sweet potato.
I know it makes you feel like a better person, but obsessing over how many calories you need to burn is not productive, and we need to stop glorifying and celebrating the urge to exercise until you drop.
Exercise because you like it, not because you want to eat or because you ate.
5. Stop Reading List Posts
After this one, I mean.
Honestly, the more I hang out on the internet, the more I hate (almost) everyone with a blog. I get it: lists are easy to read. Lists are good click bait. Lists make advice feel easy to follow because it’s packaged in bite-sized and digestible tips.
But I swear to you that the marketers who are writing list posts with holiday survival to get more clicks are a) not saying anything you haven’t already heard before and b) only writing with web traffic and SEO in mind so that they can keep their on-page advertisers happy. Or c) they really can’t think of anything useful to say but they really really want to be part of the conversation. Seriously, if you read something in a list post about holiday food and exercise that you’ve never seen or heard before, email it to me or leave me a link in the comments. And I will be very surprised.
————
The point is: you don’t need help to “survive” the holidays any more than you need help to “survive” Flag Day. Just because the internet and magazines and morning talk shows are getting you wound up so they can make you feel bad about yourself to sell you more things doesn’t mean that you need to sacrifice your sanity or your enjoyment of your family and friends (and self) this time of year.
It’s 35 days from now until New Year’s Eve. In 2014 alone you survived breakfast, lunch, and dinner for 330 days already. Please, for the love of all that is good and sacred in this world (like dark chocolate and hugs), please stop letting marketers and advertisers manipulate you into hurting yourself and ruining your holidays.
Also, in the spirit of Thanksgiving, I just want to say that I’m grateful for you (although, who am I kidding, I practice my gratitude every day—remember tonight isn’t different from any other night except for the significance we give it)—for being on this journey with me, for giving me a reason to seek new and better methods for recovery, and for all of the stories that you’ve shared with me via email. Seriously—I answer every email I get, and I really love being there for you so that you know that you are being heard. It can be hard to share the intimate details of your struggles with a family member, let alone a stranger whose ramblings you read on the internet, and I want you to know that I appreciate you letting me be a part of your life.
If you ever need me, let me know.
And in case you need some more holiday “survival” tips here are some of my favorites:
From the Skinny Genes Archive:
Cover Your Mouth! Eating Disorders are a Communicatable Disease
From a few of my favorite sources:
(Isabel Foxen Duke) You Might Eat Your Face Off on Thanksgiving…
(Jessi Kneeland) The Only Three “Tips” You Need This Thanksgiving
(Recovery Warriors) ED Recovery and Thanksgiving: Survive Family Comments
Stay hungry (and enjoy your Thanksgiving!),
PS If you have some downtime during the holiday weekend, please take this survey about body image, nutrition, and exercise, and share it with your friends!
START SURVEY
The post Top 5 Tips for Surviving Holiday Eating appeared first on In My Skinny Genes.
